bottled up.

I'm the type of person that tries to hide any sort of emotion if I don't really know you. My real friends can tell when I'm upset. Lately, I've realized that I've been feeling how I once did around February. Abandoned, lonely, hurt, confused, played. I suppose it's silly to feel like this because I do have people who love and care for me but it's not the same. Perhaps I'm too young to be feeling like this? Probably not, everyone has problems. But for me, I just keep them in. I don't tell people what I'm going through, I like to keep things to myself. Because I'm the oldest and I have to stay strong for my little brothers, one day they will be wise enough to comprehend what we are all going through. Some turn to drugs, or alcohol, or even God when they encounter troubling times. It's sad to say that I've been a christian all my life & personally I don't think I'm a prime example of what a Christian should be. Not now at least. Instead of turning to God as I have in the past, I turn to school. School & work my new life. It helps keep things out of my mind, and allows me to see something other than these four screaming walls. Worrying about my problems and others constantly isn't going to allow me to enjoy the few things that I am happy about, the few things that make it worth living, worth breathing, worth waking up every morning and looking out my window and smiling because it's a new day. Constantly reminding myself that to be your happiest, you first must experience some sort of pain. But not this, it hurts, it stings, as if someone is stabbing me in the most hurtful place, my heart. I look up to my mother, what a strong woman. Now befor I give out too many details, I must go. But always remember, someone might just have it worse than you; so even if it hurts smile; because smiling makes you forget about your problems for at least those five seconds.