M.I.A

please excuse me from my absence, i have too much going on in my life right now.

once my life is back on track i pinky promise i will continue posting .

"So pretty,so smart, what a waste of a young heart"

Although I had never heard of Anya Marina, I had the pleasure to watch New moon. Which by the way, I fell in love with because I could relate. Relate to the way Edward leaves Bella and what she goes through, how she begins to fall for someone else who could be better for her but she remains thinking about Edward, only difference is he comes back and he keeps his promises. Thats besides the point, I heard this song while watching the movie and it caught my attention.

I later came home and stayed up until four in the morning, I began to read these lyrics and it was as if she had written this from my persepective.

" So pretty so smart, such a waste of a young heart.
what a pity , what a shame. What's the matter with  your man?. . .

I'm a satellite heart, lost in the dark. I'm spun out so far. You stop, I start but I'll be true to you ."

This is where my insomnia line comes in:

"I hear you're living out of state, running in a whole new scene. They say I haven't slept in weeks, you're the only thing I see."

this song touched me so much, and it's insane I'm going through every word she said and it is exactly how I feel.

<|3

just whats on my mind at this very moment:

you promised me you'd never walk away again, that i meant too much to you. is this your way of showing your love? by completely forgetting about me? everytime you pour your heart out, you later ignore me. you can pretend as if you don't feel the way you truely do but the feelings we share are undeniable, they're there, and you can't just let them go. we've been through it all, you've always been on my mind. its not fair, not fair at all. i try to find happyness and when it seems so close our memories start to set in. when you used to hug me and i'd feel so safe wrapped around your arms, but these tears won't bring you back. they won't make you realize that your pride is stopping you from being happy. "it's hard to trust someone after her" we're two different people, what can i do to make you understand that i'm not her? it's going to hurt, more than it ever has but i'm sorry to say, your in the past .

Apple

Apple store in Roosevelt Field mall, with my partner in crime, Brooke. I swear we do this every time we're at the mall teehee.

Church

November

This year has gone by in a blink of an eye. It's incredible. Filled with late nights, laughs,love,tears,stress,and happiness. Gained and lost friends. My mindset has evolved, I no longer waste my time on meaningless incidents, but I focus on what is yet to come. I have learned to value life in such a different way. I strayed from God for a while, but I have found him again. Come to peace with my self, and I'm attempting to better myself, spirtually, and emotionally. Only one more month awaits, and by the time you realize it, it will be 2010. Make the best out of every second !

Decisions, decisions .

With college right around the corner, I'm struggling . From the age of eight I was certain Fashion was what I wanted to do. It wasn't 'til recently that I realized I truely love writing. I've always wanted to work for a magazine. Journalism? Great possibility. Luckily, if your a photographer and a journalist, it'll be so much easier to find a job. Now, F.I.T has always been my dream school. But for now I'm actually looking into St.John's . We will see if I stick with this plan, after all I do change my mind almost everyday.

mi tio marito part 2

First tooth .

After a week of crying, it finally came loose !

Desire .

Desire can be potrayed in many diverse ways. But for now, my desire is to love . To care for someone . The need of having someone whisper " Your everything I've always wanted . " Now I'm constantly saying " I don't need a man in my life." But recenly I've been wanting someone. I'm sick & tired of childish games . And hey I'm just writing whats on my mind. False hope, promises broken, words said with no true meaning . Just words. Words I longed to hear, but I should add, I want these words to be true. I give people my all: friendship, relationship, whatever the circumstance. And what do I recieve? n o t h i n g . Nothing but heart break . Too many to count how many times I feel lonely in one day. Yes I have people who care about me, but yet I feel empty. A part of me is missing. Maybe I already found it, maybe I haven't. Only time will tell. And yes I'm only seventeen, and I have my whole life ahead of me. But when a person is very affectionate, they need someone next to them. I have yet to find someone who can actually mantain a relationship. I guess I am too young for now . "Good things come to those who wait. " I've waited far too long .

mi tio marito .

forever.

who knew i'd find the most amazing leather jacket at such a low price at of course... forever21<3

hello kitty .

bestfriends h&m oversized sweatshirt <3

Once upon a time...

Brown&plaid shirt,brown leggings and a flower patterned handbag kept on her shoulder as she walked to his place. The fresh spring air, tossled her hair.Filled with diverse emotions caused her to stumble on her own two feet, although stumbling over her feet was nothing new to her.

Excited, relieved,confused, frightened yet confident. but the strongest feeling, butterflies. Butterflies in your stomach are generally refered to when a person is in love, she had never thought of that before. She had anticipated this moment for three long months. Doesn't seem long, but when you are given false hope and promises sworn to be kept, she just wanted it to be over. He had been away for some time, which to her felt as if it was an eternity.

What occured prior to this day did not matter, it was a new start for the both of them. As the door slowly opened, her heart began to race, her hands cold, she looked up and couldn't help but smile. "Come here" he said, " I don't get a hug?" She was speechless. They spoke about how life was treating them. How much they missed eachother, and how much he wanted them to work. He sat on his stoop, pulled her towards her, face to face he slowly placed his head under her neck and wrapped his arms around her waist. She ran her fingers on his head looked at him and kissed his forehead. Like that, they stood for quite some time. This to her, meant the world.

What occured after this, now, does not matter, nor what occured prior. This moment is the only one she tries to remember. Although they have both moved on, he will always be that one guy that she thinks of when someone mentions the word love.

u.k.w.y.r

self actulization

the final level of psychological development that can be achieved when all basic and mental needs are fulfilled and the "actualisation" of the full personal potential takes place.

Procrastination... my biggest flaw. I shouldn't let that happen though with this year being my last & all. Terrified of not being accepted into neither of my top three schools. F.I.T , parsons & The art institute... it scares me more than anything else. Sometimes I doubt myself, maybe I should just go with my plan B, which is teaching. I'd like it, but teaching never ever adds up to the love I have for art. Talented? I like to consider myself as talented. Let's wait and see what the big people have to say about it.

bottled up.

I'm the type of person that tries to hide any sort of emotion if I don't really know you. My real friends can tell when I'm upset. Lately, I've realized that I've been feeling how I once did around February. Abandoned, lonely, hurt, confused, played. I suppose it's silly to feel like this because I do have people who love and care for me but it's not the same. Perhaps I'm too young to be feeling like this? Probably not, everyone has problems. But for me, I just keep them in. I don't tell people what I'm going through, I like to keep things to myself. Because I'm the oldest and I have to stay strong for my little brothers, one day they will be wise enough to comprehend what we are all going through. Some turn to drugs, or alcohol, or even God when they encounter troubling times. It's sad to say that I've been a christian all my life & personally I don't think I'm a prime example of what a Christian should be. Not now at least. Instead of turning to God as I have in the past, I turn to school. School & work my new life. It helps keep things out of my mind, and allows me to see something other than these four screaming walls. Worrying about my problems and others constantly isn't going to allow me to enjoy the few things that I am happy about, the few things that make it worth living, worth breathing, worth waking up every morning and looking out my window and smiling because it's a new day. Constantly reminding myself that to be your happiest, you first must experience some sort of pain. But not this, it hurts, it stings, as if someone is stabbing me in the most hurtful place, my heart. I look up to my mother, what a strong woman. Now befor I give out too many details, I must go. But always remember, someone might just have it worse than you; so even if it hurts smile; because smiling makes you forget about your problems for at least those five seconds.

babyshower .

yachtclub.